Twentieth Poem: What Am I To You?

What am I to you?
Am I really a friend?
Or am I just someone you mooch off of?
I was there when you cried.
I'm always there for you.
I always let you come over, even if I don't want you to.
I care about you.
Maybe more than your best friend.
I hope you care about me, too.
And I'm not just a distraction for your boring summer.
Because we've been friends forever.
And it would break my heart to know it's all a lie.

I wrote this about my friend Frances.

Ninteenth Poem: The Fire of Problems

Millions of problems ignite in front of dispassionate eyes.
The flames of downfall burn brightly before the human race.
Billions of stares blankly misinterpret all that has gone wrong.
Some try to put out the flames, but without compassion, they are insurmountable.
All together we must smother the flames of suffering.
We must ban together, realizing the fire was our own creation.
Through hate,opression,and greed, we have ignited our hope to overcome.
Someday this fire must stop growing.
Someday, we shall put out the flsmes.
Someday all will be firefighters- working together to end the pain.


I was very inspired by poetry I was reading.

Eighteenth Poem: Lost

Lost
Lost inside myself
Never to be found
Mo one cares
I NEED to find myself
But no one helps
What should I do?
Who can show me the way?
Where can I find some help?
Why am I so...
Lost?


This I wrote a while ago when I was obviously upset.

My New Website

Well, I know this is a poetry blog, and I haven't posted in forever, but I would just like to talk about the new website I made today. It's url is http://talkingaboutsuicide.webs.com/I created this website for people who were/are considering suicide, so that they can talk about it with other people who went through similar situations.
If you, or someone you know are/is concidering suicide, send them the link.

Thanks,
Vanessa.

P.S., Now I'll try to post a poem if I can find one :)

Seventeenth Poem: I Like You

I like you. 

Can't you see? 

You barely even notice me.

All my feelings 

Locked inside 

All the things I have to hide 

Why am I tourtured every day?

Angry whenever you go away 

Sad that I can't tell you 

The silly feelings I have for you 

You know what? 

I don't care

Keep pretending I'm not there

My life won't end 

I can pretend 

That you don't matter, too

Even though I like you. 

This poem I wrote for the guy I like. Not like I'm ever gonna give it to him, but I just wanted to get my feelings out.

Sixteenth Poem: Carly

You steer me in the right direction
You show me the way
You lighten up my life
Day after day

What more can I say?
You're my cousin and my best friend
Without you, I'd die
The time we spend together I wish would never end

All the time that we spend
Holds a place in my heart
I can't even describe it
"You complete me" is a start

And when there's pain in my heart
You're there to comfort me
Without you're kindness,
I don't know where I'd be

Can you see?
You're my other half
You + me = best friends
Just do the math

You make me laugh
No matter what I was feeling before
When I'm already laughing,
you make me laugh more

You open doors
In my mind, and you just understand
You make my life interesting
from boring and bland

You deserve a hand
Standing ovation, round of applause, cheers
You've stayed by my side-
through laughter and tears

All these years
Since 16 years ago,
the day of my birth
You may never understand how much, to me, you're worth.

I wrote this one for my cousin, Carly. She read it and really liked it. 

Fourteenth Poem: Toby

His name is Toby, and he's just a toy to you. 

But to me, he's so much more. 

He represents the sympathy I got when my dad died.

He's my comfort when I cry myself to sleep. 

He's my security when I'm scared and alone. 

He represents the love I feel for my father. 

He's my happiness when I'm feeling sad. 

Yes, he may be just a stuffed dog to you, 

Given to me on the day of my dad's funeral. 

But to me, he's so much more. 

Aww... sappy little kid poem. funny thing is, I wrote this in the beginning of this month. 

Thirteenth Poem: Change

THe sting of change stabs my tender heart repeatedly. 

Some change is good, but other change is too powerful and horrid to take. 

I cannot reverse the curse. 

With change, important things are lost, never to be found. 

Places, people, and things are left behind. 

Holding on to the fond memories of what used to be. 

Heart aching with nostalgia, and longing for the past. 

Wishing. 

Hoping. 

Longing. 

Twelfth Poem:My self-doubt

My emotions hang over me in a darkening cloud
Of myself, I have no reason to be proud
I've got nothing left to offer or to give
I question every day why I have to live
I keep trying to find something good about myself
But all the good is replaced by a bad something else
Why am I so worthless?
Can't I have a purpose?
What good do I do just taking up space?
I don't belong in the human race.

This poem I wrote when I was obviously very upset. 

Eleventh Poem: Late Night Thoughts

So many thoughts run through my head
I toss and turn as I lay in bed.
Insomnia has taken over me
Why can't my thoughts just let me be?
Constantly haunting me as I try to go to sleep
Why must my mind think so deep?
My thoughts are my own inner pests
When all I want to do is rest
Yet I lie awake as the hours go by
Why can't my thoughts grow silent and die?
My mindaches, I want relief!
Then slowly, I drift into sleep.

Tenth Poem: Sick and Tired

I try so hard, but what's the use?
I'm sick and tired of the abuse
I get for everything I do and don't do.
I'm so through.
Why can't people take meseriously?
I feel like no one really likes me
They just pretend to make me feel good about myself.
I'm alone, there's no one else.
Why I can't I do anything right?
It's my hope that gets me through alright
Hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
But it never is.

This is a poem I wrote when my mom was mad at me. I was feeling pretty upset with myself at that point.

Ninth Poem: Circle of Life

We all arrived on this Earth ready to travel along the circle of life.

 Though we may not understand it, the circle of life controls everything. 

We all unknowingly follow its path, continuing throughout our lives, and even after.

No matter what we do, 

Where we go

We cannot get away. 

But we go not want to anyway. 

The circle of life gives us the strength and hope we need to survive. 

It brings peace to our restless and confused minds as we worry from day to day 

The circle of life provides us with a path, even when we cannot find our way. 

It provides us with life, even in our darkness. 

It provides us with closure, even with mysteries left unsolved. 

It is our lives. 

Another poem I wrote for camp. I was working along the theme of the circle of life.

Eighth Poem: Haunting Casket

A cold, dead body laying in the casket
Eyes closed, hands rested
I cannot believe that is my father
Memories that will come back to haunt me later in life.
Cold, Pale, Lifeless.

This is a shorter one but still pretty intense, I think.

Seventh Poem: Quiet Girl

Sitting in the corner
writing in her book
Is a quiet and shy girl
but no one even looks
No one understands her pain
as she holds back all her tears
‘cause sitting there all alone
is the greatest of her fears
She just wants to be accepted
something she’s wanted all her life
but instead she feels rejected
being alone fills her with strife
She debates whether to speak aloud
the things she never said
but her ultimate fear of rejection
keep those thoughts inside her head
If only they could realize
everything she keeps inside
all her raw, dreadful emotions
that she always has to hide
But she can’t hold out much longer
Soon she’ll have to let them out
She needs some act of kindness
to keep her from freaking out
So be kind to that quiet girl
because then one day you will see
that kindness that you’ve shared
has helped a girl like me

Sixth Poem: What Happened?

How do we always start to fight?
What happened to the times when we were so much nicer?
I'm sitting here, alone and crying salty tears, wondering what went wrong?
Why do we always start to fight?
Is it right?
You used to support every little thing I did
Every mistake I made was "oops!" and then forgotten
Now it seems that everything I do is blown out of proportion
What happened to those good times?
Did they die along with daddy?
Are they lying in his grave, laughing softly as we fight?
It's not right!
I'm trying to be better, but aren't I good enough?
Do salty tears have to wet my lips?
What happened to the times when you were the voice of reason?
Has your reason left you,
Or does it hide when I make a mistake, afraid of what will come next?
I never know what to expect from you!
Everything I say has a different reaction than I expect.
I always say "tomorrowis another day"
but it never seems to be
Is it me?
Or is it you?
What can I do other than try?
Do I have to be a saint?
I can not be a perfect person
but I can try to change
Still, I keep wondering,
What happened?


This poem I wrote for my mom one day when we were fighting. i'm not actually sure if she ever read it, but I still feel this way sometimes.

Fifth Poem: One Man Band

As my head explodes with thoughts, I remember you.
How you looked, how you sounded, how you felt.
I pray you are well, and try to go to sleep,
but the more I think, the more tears gather in my eyes.
I look to your picture to comfort me, but my thoughts drain it out.
The picture gets foggy, as if a shower door is separating me from you,
and all my memories.
Warm water then runs down my cheek and wets my dry lips.
I sob, all alone, with only my memories wishing you here.
The pain throbs in my heart, as if the emptiness is ringing out;
"I am here forever more!"
I try to sleep, but thelonelinessis calling me,
telling me to remember you,
to think of your love andfatherliness.
I think of all the things I could of done to make me feel better.
This is not a time for someone to comfort me.
I need to be in this alone, with no one to say,
"He's in a better place", or
"He always will love you."
I need to help myself.
I'm a big girl.
I am a one man band.
For now.

Fourth Poem: Greif

As you walk along the stone-covered path of life,
a bolder comes up when someone you love dies.
This bolder is a tough obstacle,
but you have to climb it.
Once you do, you think
"Hey, I'm over! Grief is done!"
But it is not done.
As you continue, you turn around and find that the bolder is still there,
it only got smaller.
It will never go away.
It will always be there
No matter what fork-in-the-road you take.
It will always be there,
Haunting you, making you cry.
It will always be there.

This poem I wrote for English class four years ago in 7th grade. I personally really like this one.  

Third Poem: What Have I Done?

You always are working to keep our friendship going. 

But what have I done?

You give things up and change your plans for me

But what have I done? 

You're always there for me. 

But what have I done?

You deserve a better friend than me. 

For what have I done to deserve such a friendship?

All I've done is complain to you, ditch you, and get mad at you for no reason. 

That's what I've done. 

I've been a bad friend. 

And by this point, sorry doesn't cut it. 

If you want to find a better friend, I understand. 

You deserve better. 

If you do decide against my friendship, I will miss you. 

I'll miss all the good times we shared

All the fun we had. 

I'll regret all the stupid things I did that drove you away. 

But at least I'll know that you can find someone better

Because you're kind, 

caring

friendly 

outgoing

happy

and you work hard to keep your friends. 

You deserve someone who will work just as hard to be your friend. 

I can't live up to that. 

You worked so hard. 

What have I done? 

This poem is for my friend Nicole, who is super mad at me right now because of my stupidity. 

Second Poem: Life Goes On

Even after the cold hands of death have gripped someone you love,
Life goes on.
Even when you feel like you've lost all happiness,
Life goes on.
Even when grief hits you hard like a train at full speed,
Life goes on.
When problems and sadness arise, big or small,
Life goes on.
No matter what happens in your life,
It goes on.

This poem I wrote for a camp I went to for children who lost someone close to them. They all really seemed to like it at camp. 

First Poem: Sadness

Sadness. Unexplainable madness.

Unknown feelings.

Overwhelming forces.

Unknown reasons.

Everyone experiences it.

You can’t control it.

No one knows when it will rain despair on your unguarded soul.

Despicable horror.

Indescribable terror.

Intense, sharp pain rushes throughout you.

Undefined terror.



I have a youtube video of me reading this poem: